“If someone really loved you they wouldn’t let you slip away no matter how hard the situation is…”
While scrolling on a facebook page I saw
this saying or phrase these words, whatever you want to call it, and it got me to thinking. My initial thought was of my recent split from the one I gave my heart to, but the more time passed and as I continued to think about these words I realized that to me this doesn’t hold that much merit. Why do I say this? I say this because although things in life are hard, and we tend to make them harder than they need to be, I believe that love is one thing that shouldn’t have to be hard. L-o-v-e is the one thing in this world that should come easily without any pretenses and the drama that seems to come along with everything else now-a-days. The reason why I say this is because when I think of my recent situation, if that person cared half as much as they said that they did, then we wouldn’t had tough times (at least not the one that kept reoccurring) and I can only speak for myself as this is how I feel. I believe that we make things hard and love never is, nor has it been, we take it there and can never seem to find our way back…
After making a life-changing situation within the last couple of weeks, I have had a lot of time to think about what it is that I really want. I know that it’s time to not just sit back and let the chips fall where they may but for me to look at the situation in it’s entirety and figure out what went wrong and make a better, more informed choice in the future. I think at times we can have the right mindset to do what we know we need but then things happen and we get sidetracked by our feelings and then before we know it we end up all over the place, emotionally and physically. The next time around in my relationship, when I am ready for it, I want to be able to listen to that voice inside that lets me know that where I am is either right or wrong. Too often we let our heart lead us into temptation and before we know it we are falling all over a cliff and can’t stop ourselves. This time I want to be able to stop myself from falling and realize what is going on…
My week has been one that in a way I felt has been coming for a long while. To say that it has been an easy one couldn’t be further from the truth. Tomorrow will be one week that I walked away from someone who I thought would be in my life forever, but I guess that God had others plans for me. It hurts to know that when things like this happen you are left feeling all kinds of things and it’s like you are going around in circles, just spinning your wheels. Mine have been spinning out of control and I am just trying to figure out what to do next? I am trying to find that “happy” place and keep myself there, instead of being on an emotional rollercoaster. But I will say that my feelings are nothing like I thought that they would be. I feel okay, it’s like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and that in the end things will turn out better than I ever expected. I am so grateful for that, and even though I may have my moments of feeling sad and missing what I once had, I know that in time things will turn out greater than I have ever imagined.
Today while I was cruising down my facebook timeline I found something really bizarre, or at least to me. I saw a picture of Tim Tebow being scrutinized for acknowledging his faith in God and right beside that was a picture of veteran basketball player, Jason Collins, and he was being praised for coming out with his sexuality. Is it just me that is baffled by this? You have some people who could praise a man for the way he chooses to live but berate another for his religious beliefs, and I personally think it is wrong. What do I think is wrong with this picture? The fact that in today’s world, people can choose to be so frank about every thing in the world but when the mention of God and religion comes up they do not care to acknowledge it or act as if it is a science that no longer exist. I don’t judge either way because it is not for me to do and being that we all have faults and continue to mess up on a daily basis I never will but as I have been taught, homosexuality goes against what I believe. Have I had friends, family, or even people that I know who have chosen this way of life? Yes, and I don’t look at them any differently because of it but when you start to praise one and look down upon another, which in life we all have done at some point, you have to take a step back and ask, is it the right thing to do? That is the question….
When things in our lives seem to be going good, why do we let the insecurities that we have seep in and take over our happiness? I am guilty of doing this and lately I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, going all over the place with my emotions, trying to figure out where I stand with my feelings. I realize that when in a relationship you have to check your insecurities at the door and don’t let them seep into what you have with the other person, especially if what you have is good. I don’t want to be one of those people who let insecurities keep me from being happy, I want that happiness. So, each time that my insecurities try and wreck my life I’ve got to realize that my happiness, my life, and ME are so much bigger than any of those little things that we let consume us but don’t really have any baring on our lives.
“Life isn’t complicated, we make it that way…”
Complications and people go hand in hand. We…make things in our lives more complicated than they have to be but we wonder why is it happening to us. Crazy? Yes, but it is just who we are and what we do. You would think the older you get the less stressful you would make your life but that’s not always the case. No matter what, the less complications in life the easier life would be…
It’s been a few days but in that time I was able to gain full clarity on some situations that I begun let get under my skin. So, I feel good about moving forward knowing that I don’t feel the same way that I did yesterday. Its like those issues were buried in the back of my head but yet I could see them so clearly and it was beginning to get on my nerves. I kept asking myself why wasn’t I letting them go when I kept telling myself that I had. That was the worst part for me because I could not figure that out for the life of me. But after some reflection on things and a whole lot of praying, I was able to let all of those things go because I knew that they would be worked out and even if they don’t happen to go as I have planned I know that eventually they will. That is enough reassurance for me so I just know that all I have to do is my part and the God will take it the rest of the way.
I was sitting and thinking and out of nowhere it seemed to come to me, but putting it all together took some time (as do all good things). Whether/weather, two words that sound alike and in some instances, the way that I’m thinking, tend to hold similar meaning. Where I live the weather here can change from cold to hot, from hot to raining within a matter of hours; in with the word whether we tend to change our minds so frequently it can be mind boggling to some. Oh a lot of us do it and when you think about it the old saying comes into mind “you change your mind like the weather”; and while we’re scatter brained about this one thing and then moving to the next we tend to wonder whether or not the choices we’re about to make fit into our lives. Will they make us happy? Are we doing what feels right to us or someone else? There are so many questions that have our minds fleeting with either nervous energy or fear and whether or not that is a good thing is all up to us. Just like with the everchanging weather that seems to follow its own mind to do what it wants to do, we should be the same way. Live our lives the way we want to and don’t worry about others’ judgements because that is not what we should live for. I awoke to this beautiful sunny day, albeit a little cold, I felt inspired to do the things that have been lingering far too long on my to-do list and just enjoy all that I have. I have love all around me and God has given me so much joy even though where I am standing now may not be where I choose to be, it’s still a good spot. Whether I choose to do this or that or any of it at all I will still flow through life just as the weather does…as carefree and breezy as ever.
On this chilly day I started on my task of breaking my cycle of procrastinating over the things that I most certainly need to accomplish instead of putting them by the wayside. No more of that. So, I started getting myself ready to take my placement exam to get back into school and I was doing good, but as the house got cold I succumbed to a mini-Sex and the City marathon, but I did eventually go back to what I had initially planned to do. As they say progress is a slow process, but I am determined to stick with it and better myself. I am learning to take it one day at a time and knowing that God will see me through as long as I continue to push myself.